We all remember the first round of caretaking in our lives . . . when, if we were lucky, we had moms and dads who brought us into the world fed us, clothed us, loved us, set us squarely on the path forward. For some of us, like me - the parenting was everything a child could want. For others, like some dear friends of mine, it was less than satisfactory, sometimes even toxic.
But in one way we are all in the same boat as we've grown older. Our generation's parents are living longer than any previously - more and more we are hands - or wallets- on in taking care of our parents.
I lost my beloved father when I was 11 . . . he was 42, a victim of heart failure said to have been caused by his time in a Nazi prison game during WW2. For a few years Mom and I were single girls together. When she began dating again, I was just starting the process. We vetted each other's beaux - fought like all mothers and daughters do as girls start trying their wings - but forged an even deeper bond than before.
Just as I was getting ready to leave home, Mom remarried - a great guy who has truly become a second, loving, caring father to me. Twice blessed I've been.
Dad worked for General Motors, saved his money, had a handsome retirement package waiting. I became a flight attendant and urged them to use the passes I received to travel extensively. They've lived a good life and remain devoted to one another.
Now the years have caught up with this 86 and 83 year old. They sold their home, moved into an apartment in a senior care facility - a very challenging adjustment for them. They're lucky, not only to be in sound financial shape but to have landed in a place where the staff is not geninuely loving and kind.
All BBs have similar stories . . . I am blessed that my parents are in the good situation they are but I still - as we all do - find myself rushing to Texas from Utah when Mom lands in the hospital again . .. or when my presence makes a round of physical tests that are frightening for her easier.
I am thinking of all of you who do SO much more than I do . .. those of you whose parents live with you for financial or emotional reasons - creating a whole new set of dynamics and struggles in even the most well rounded household . . . those of you dealing with Alzheimer's (which Dad was misdiagnosed as having) or other heartrending emotional/physical diseases. Sometimes you actually do a superior job of parenting to that you received - extending a quality of love to those who you didn't receive as much from . .. I honor you all for all you do . . . this is a journey we all make together . . .
